Roadside Attraction
by PhantomAL
Summary: Both 18, Danny and Sam get fed up with their lives. So they decide, what the heck, let's take a road trip for the next month or so? What follows is a chain of events including alcohol, bats, romance, alligators, and New Jersey. DxS
1. I Hate Thursdays

Let's see. I've taken on Christmas, Halloween, "Hitchhiker", "NBXmas", religion, love stories, "Dogma", what else is there? I know, ROAD MOVIES! Yes, I'm about to take across the United States in this parody of just about every road movie ever made. From "Tommy Boy" to "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas". And you might actually learn some stuff along the way. Now, all of the attractions here REAL LIVE PLACES. I'm not lying. And you should check them out. Now, in this story, Danny and Sam are 17. So, keep hat in mind. So, enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I don't own DP.  
PhantomAL

* * *

Roadside Attraction

Prologue

(Danny's POV)

Waking up one Thursday morning, I knew it was going to be a bad day. I woke up to the sounds of Oingo Boingo as the chanting of the song "Insanity" rang through my ears. I surveyed the room with my half-open eyes. AC/DC posters, soda cans on the floor, I think I saw an half-eaten pizza still in the box.

Yes I had really let myself go in talking about my room.

"Just another day" I said.

I tripped over a dumbbell and fell on my face.

"I really don't think that was necessary to wake me up" I said to myself.

* * *

I made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I had really pumped up since three years ago, when I was a scrawny freshman. I got into the shower and just stood there, still half-asleep. It was at this point that I remembered something important.

My pajamas were still on.

"Great" I said.

I went out and took my pajamas off and THEN got into the shower. I washed myself and got out.

I put on some jeans and an AC/DC shirt. I slipped on a black jacket. I hummed "Thunderstruck" as I walked downstairs to the kitchen. My parents and sister were still asleep.

"It's 7:30" I said. "Usually Jazz is annoying the hell out of me. Oh well, one good thing about today."

I bet you're wondering why I'm so upset on a Thursday.

Well, here's a piece of information that I bet you never knew.

I got my ghost powers on a Thursday, and bad things have been happening to me on Thursdays ever since. I know, it's kind of superstitious, but it's kind of a curse.

* * *

I walked to school through the rain. As if my hair wasn't messed up already. Just imagine it being WET. I could go from slacker to rock star during one rainstorm. As I walked down the streets, a car nearly ran me over. I dodged it, falling on the sidewalk.

"Hey, I'm walkin' here!" I yelled at the car.

"Someone's cranky this morning" I head a voice say.

I looked up and saw Sam, in a black raincoat and an umbrella.

"I probably should've used the sidewalk, huh?" I asked.

"The monster scrape on your arm should've told you that already" she said, helping me up.

I looked at a bloody scrape on my left arm.

"And on the arm that I write with, no less" I said, squeezing my arm with my hand. "Ow!"

"Yeah, another great idea from the mind of Dan" Sam said.

"Man, you're complaining on ME being cranky?" I asked. "What's with the insults? Wait, let me guess…"

"Thursday" we both said at the same time.

"Yep" Sam said. "It's a curse. My God, you're bleeding"

"I'm used to it" I said.

"No, you're REALLY bleeding. Here."

She pulled a few napkins out of her backpack and held them on my arm. This caused me to blush a little, even more so when she continued to hold my arm.

"Thanks" I said.

"Welcome" she said, yawning.

"You sound tired, what's been keeping you up?"

"Nothing important"

"Well, that "nothing important" has been keeping you up for the past 3 days. What's eatin' ya?"

"If you must pry…"

"I must, I must!"

"Well, my parent's and I have been fighting a lot. Usually goes on to the wee hours of the morning"

"Wow" I said, shocked. "What do you fight about?"

"School mostly" Sam said, looking down. "But mostly…about you, Danny"

* * *

This took me by surprise. Hell, if you found out your best friends parents were fighting about you, YOU'D be surprised too, my friend.

"Why me?" I asked. "Is there something I did?"

"No, of course not. It's just, I dunno, they think you're influenced by your parents to be…"

"Crackpots?" I finished.

"Yeah. But they don't even KNOW you, let alone ever talked to you"

"Eh, that's life" I said. "Hey look, school"

We looked up and saw the school.

"Uh, you can let go of my arm now" I said.

Sam let go of my arm, blushing.

"Sorry" she said.

"S'alright"

* * *

So, school went by fast. Until lunch.

"Hey Fenton!" I heard a too-familiar voice yell at me.

"Oh God" I moaned. "Last thing I need"

"Saw you walkin' down the street with you're girlfriend. Almost missed ya in my car"

"That was you!" I asked, half mock-surprise. "Man, I knew an asshole was driving that car, right Sam?"

And just at that moment, I knew my mouth was digging my grave faster than any shovel.

Dash grabbed me by my shirt collar and lifted me up, at least a foot or two in the air.

"Wanna repeat that?" Dash said.

"Yeah, uh hang on" I said. I cupped my mouth, making an echo with my voice.

"Dash Baxter is a big 'ol asshole!" I yelled.

WHAM!

* * *

I woke up 30 minutes later in the nurse, an ice pack on my eye.

"Uh…my head" I groaned, trying to get up. A hand on my shoulder told me to lay back down.

"Don't get up" Sam said. "Dash beat you up pretty hard, and not just the eye. You're arm's pretty banged up too."

"Please don't tell me…" I said.

"Yeah the left one again"

"Man, when things go wrong…" I joked.

Sam smiled at me.

I smiled back. But it quickly turned into a frown.

"What's wrong, Danny?" Sam asked.

"Everything, Sam" I said. "School, my luck in general, and then I find out you're parents are arguing about ME. And things at my house aren't going well either. My mom and dad are fighting with each other, and Jazz is at college, so I can't talk to them like I can. I want out, if only for a month"

Sam stared at me softly for a minute.

"You want out." she said. "Hmm…it seems that my problems and you're problems are the same. And I've somewhat wanted to run away too, just for a while."

"What are we gonna do?" I asked.

Sam sat on a chair, thinking for a while. Then she spoke up.

"You have you're driver's license, right?" she asked me.

"Yeah…" I said, not getting where she was going with this.

"And you have a credit card, right?"

"Yeah. Where are you going with this?"

"Danny" Sam said. "As you're friend, I say you bring 2 twelve packs of soda, a bunch of CDs, and money. And you need a car, a fast one, no roof."

"Why?"

"We're taking a road trip"

* * *

Well, I hope you guys like this story so far. Read and review please!  
PhantomAL 


	2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Soundtrack

Roadside Attraction soundtrack

Rollin'- Big & Rich

Are You Ready- AC/DC

Sweet Emotion- Aerosmith

Renegades- Electrasy

Dirty Little Secret- The All-American Rejects

Idiot Road- The Arrogant Worms

Bat Country- Avenged Sevenfold

Return Of The Dead Man 2- Oingo Boingo

Girl- Beck

Misery- Green Day

Kick My Ass- Big & Rich

Rock Your Heart Out- AC/DC

Wanted Dead Or Alive- Bon Jovi

Is There Anybody Out There? - Pink Floyd

Hello, I Love You- The Doors

Money For Nothing- Dire Stratts

Sweet Home Alabama- Lynyrd Skynyrd

Comin' To Your City- Big & Rich

Fuel- Metallica

On The Outside- Oingo Boingo

Bicycle Race- Queen

Deadbeat Holiday- Green Day

Bad Day- R.E.M.

Ball And Chain- Social Distortion

Another Brick In The Wall Part 2- Pink Floyd

Lazy Generation- The F-Ups

Bigger Than My Body- John Mayer

Over My Head- Lit

Who Do You Want To Be- Oingo Boingo

Jackass- Green Day

Come Out And Play- The Offspring

Magic Carpet Ride- Steppenwolf

Come Sail Away- Styx

Istanbul- They Might Be Giants

Beverly Hills- Weezer

Doubleback- ZZ Top

In The Hall Of The Mountain King- Umphrey's McGee

Ocean Avenue- Yellowcard

20 Margaritas- Big & Rich

Nothing To Fear (But Fear Itself) - Oingo Boingo

All Cartoons Are Fuckin' Dicks- Family Guy

Insanity (Live) - Oingo Boingo


	3. Amity Park, NJ

Holy Hell. How can this many people like this thing! Almost 20 reviews, of nothing but a chapter and a soundtrack. Man, I have a cult following!  
Enjoy!  
I don't own ANYTHING in this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 1  
Amity Park, NJ

(Danny's POV)

A road trip. That was the greatest idea I've ever heard of. Just me and Sam, away from it all, see the sights, drive around, and do nothing. It was perfect. We were going to leave tonight, I was picking her up.

All I needed was a car.

I was walking through the rent-a-car lot, looking for a good road trip car. But all of these were crappy SUV's and minivans. Now I know I'm not the most popular guy in the world, but when you're 17 and you're drivin' a minivan, you're days in the clique are PAST over.

So, I walked in the rent-a-car building and walked up to the guy at the counter.

"Do you have any GOOD cars? Any cars good for two teenagers on a road trip"

"Nope none" the man said.

"Really" I said, sliding up a 50 dollar bill on the counter. "Are you sure?"

"Let me see what I have in the back" the man said, leading me back to the back.

He led me to a door that said "Road Trippers". He opened up the door, leading me down a long hall of scientist looking guys, testing out what appeared to be the biggest supply of Cadillacs I've ever seen.

"Here is where top scientists work on old models of Cadillacs to make a better road trip" the man said.

"Question: why?" I asked.

"We have a lot of time on our hands" the man said. "But you seem like a guy who loves the classics"

"Born in the 80's my friend" I said. Well, technically I WAS. 1989 ½ to be exact. Not exactly 1990, but still a little bit 1980.

* * *

"Well, we've reached our destination" the man said, opening a garage door.

The door opened and my eyes widened with adoring admiration.

It was the coolest Cadillac I've ever seen. It looked untouched and unaltered in its design. With dark blue paint and no roof.

"I understand that it might be a little banged up" the man said. "It was last used in 1998, by a Mr. Hunter S. Thompson, a drug addict by the look of him"

"It's perfect" I said. "Sam will love it"

"A girl?" the man asked. "Oh I see, taking your girlfriend on a road trip, getting away from it all for just that amount of time."

"Well, she's not my GIRLFRIEND" I said. "Well, I…kinda…"

The man put his hand on my shoulder.

"I understand completely my boy" he said. "Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to tell her on this trip. In fact, just for the hell of it, I'm gonna let you take this thing off our hands forever, half-charge"

"Really?" I asked. "You're serious"

"Dead serious" the man said. "You look like you deserve this trip. Here sign here"

I signed the contract and insurance forms. I charged the amount to my credit card. He glanced at the name.

"Daniel Fenton" he said. "You are now the proud owner of a Cadillac all your own. Have fun with the girl"

He tossed me the keys.

"Thanks" I said. "Thanks a lot"

"No problem, you looked like the guy who deserved this more than anyone else. Good luck"

"I'll need it" I said, driving my new car out of the car lot.

The man chuckled to himself.

"Hunter S. Thompson" he said. "You've done it again. No teenager can resist a car like that. Just wish he has a good time with the girl. Why am I talking to myself?"

* * *

I drove to the sunglasses hut. Hey, we're gonna be going cross country. The sun's gotta shine.

I walked into the sunglasses hut. The guy at the counter was about my age and he was one of those stuck up types. You know the kind.

Anyway, I see a pair of sunglasses that I like. I don't love them, I like them. I thought I'd love them but then I saw the price tag that said $309. Now, I know that you'd think that's not much for sunglasses, but the other day, I bought a 25" color TV on sale at Wal-Mart for $25. So let me ask you this…

How can sunglasses cost more than a TV?

I walked up to the stuck-up counter guy and explained the situation to him. He told me something about supply and demand. Then I asked him a question as nicely and polite as possible.

* * *

"How can you sleep at night, ya little prick?" I asked.

The guy wasn't fazed at all.

"Mr. Fenton, I don't think you get it" he said.

"I'm listening" I said.

"These sunglasses block out 100 of all UV rays"

"No apparently YOU don't get it" I said. "The TV I got from Wal-Mart can decode satellite images from outer-friggin-space"

Then I found out the glasses got basic cable and I felt like an idiot.

* * *

So, I bought Sam and I CHEAP sunglasses from Wal-Mart. And the thing about cheap sunglasses is that you never lose them. You get a pair of 15-30 dollar sunglasses, they'll be gone in a day. You get a pair of cheapos you can NOT GET RID OF THEM.

Next stop was the music store. This was actually the easiest place I stopped that day, 'cause I knew what Sam and mine's favorite music was. Here's the list:

AC/DC  
Oingo Boingo  
Aerosmith  
Tenacious D  
The Blues Brothers  
Green Day  
Soul Asylum  
Danny Elfman  
"Weird AL" Yankovic  
The Doors  
The Beatles

And a lot more. I bought the "Best Of" of every band and artist on that list. Total came out to be $200 dollars. It was worth it.

"Going on a drug trip, man?" the guy said. The guy looked like a hippie.

"Road trip actually" I said, pulling out the credit card from my wallet.

"Hey, who's the girl, man?" he said, looking at the picture of Sam in my wallet.

"Oh, friend of mine" I said.

"No man puts a picture of a girl in his wallet if they're just "you're friend""

I looked around to see if anyone I knew was in the store.

"Well, can you keep a secret?" I asked.

"I'm a hippie!" the guy said. "No one listens to me!"

* * *

So I told him, in a nutshell, of everything romantic-like in Sam and mine's lives.

"Sounds like you've got a certified love for this girl, man" he said. "Here, take this"

He handed me the soundtrack to "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas", as well as a copy of the original book.

"Use these wisely" I said.

"Uh, thanks" I said, paying for the CD's and leaving.

* * *

By the time I got all the stuff, including soda at the grocery store, it was 9:30 at night. I told Sam I'd pick her up at 1:00.

I spent the rest of the time at home packing clothes, and other stuff. By the time I was done, it was 12:45. I went downstairs, about to walk out the door. But I remembered something. I wrote down a note to my parents.

Dear Mom and Dad,  
Sam and I have gone on a road trip for a while. We'll be gone for a month or two. But don't worry. We'll be fine. I'll take good care of myself and Sam. We left because we needed time to ourselves, time away from it all. I'm not mad at you at all. We just need some time to think and be away from it all. Just remember that I love you and don't worry, we'll be fine.  
Love, Danny

I put the note in my parent's bedroom mirror, and snuck back downstairs. I grabbed my cell phone and the charger and left. I got in the car and drove to Sam's.

I got to Sam's about around 1:00. I got out of the car and went ghost. I floated up into Sam's room.

I turned human and tip-toed over to Sam's bed. I looked at Sam. She looked cute asleep. I observed her. Her hair had gotten longer, she looked more mature looking. More beautiful than anyone would've guess, more beautiful than Paulina could ever hope to be.

* * *

I poked her shoulder, trying to wake her.

"Sam" I whispered. "Saaaaam. Wake up"

I shook her gently. Still not awake. But I had the sinking feeling she was fake-sleeping.

"Well, if you don't wake up," I said, "I'll break every one of the CD's I bought just for you."

I smiled as I walked away. I felt something grab my arm.

"You break those CD's, I'll break you"

"I knew you were awake" I said, turning towards the now-awake Sam.

"What gave it away?" Sam asked, smiling.

"The fact that you weren't snoring" I said.

"Watch it ghost-boy" she said. "I can still kill the other half of you"

"Can't kill me now. I'm you're ride out of here. You leave a note for your parents?"

"Nah" Sam said. "Told my grandma. She understands completely. Hell, if I left a note telling that I was going on a road trip with you, they'd send a search party"

"Good point" I said, turning ghost. "Well, come on. I'll take you down."

Sam blushed but walked over to be and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held one hand around her waist as we floated down to the car. I changed back and let go of Sam.

"Your chariot awaits" I said, pointing to the Cadillac.

"Danny, it's awesome" she said, getting into the car.

"Thought you'd like it" I said. "The CD's are already in the car."

"Oingo Boingo" she said, looking at the CDs. "You know me all too well"

I got into the car, and turned the ignition on. We took off and off we went.

"So where are we going, m'lady?" I joked.

Sam laughed and smiled at me.

"Anywhere but here, Danny" she said. "Anywhere but here"

* * *

Hope you guys like this chapter! Read and review!  
PhantomAL 


	4. The Flying Car

WOW. I got a lot of reviews on this thing. I didn't think a story about one of the most used DP fanfiction genres would do THIS good with only 2 chapters. You guys are awesome. Here ya go!  
Disclaimer: I don't own DP or "The Flying Car" by Kevin Smith  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 2  
The Flying Car

(Danny's POV)

We've been driving for about 8 hours now. Sam had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I blushed a little, but I wrapped my free arm around her waist, while at the same time driving. I pulled her a little closer to me, gently, as not to wake her up. You DON'T wanna wake up a Goth when she's sleeping. It ain't pretty, my friends.

Well, we were driving for a while, and we were finally out of New Jersey. We were now across the border and now in Pennsylvania. The Oingo Boingo music was playing softly on the radio as we entered the state. Sam stirred a little as her eyes fluttered open.

"Ugh…" she said, shaking her head. "Morning, Danny"

"Good morning, Sam" I said, taking my arm off her. "Have a good sleep?"

"Not really" she said, stretching her arms, and then smiling at me. "I had a dream that a hairy snake was wrapped around my waist"

"My arms aren't that hairy!" I said. "Now you're LEGS…"

She kicked me, making me swerve a little off the road.

"…are very powerful for kicking" I finished, trying to get back on Sam's good side.

"That's better" Sam said smiling. "So, where are we?"

"Pennsylvania" I said. "Home of all Dracula impersonators. Wanna pick something up for breakfast?"

Sam stared at me for a second.

"Don't worry" I said. "No meat. I know just the place to go"

* * *

We stopped at a Waffle House on the road. Now, when I promised Sam that she wouldn't have any meat, I didn't say that we were gonna stop somewhere sanitary.

"I think I'm gonna hurl" Sam whispering to me as we walked in.

"We'll flip a coin" I said, taking a coin from my pocket. "Heads: we stay here. Tails: McDonalds"

I flipped.

Tails.

We hightailed it out of there, and QUICK! I think some of the cockroaches were starting to sing show tunes.

* * *

Well, after stopping at McDonalds for some cinnamon, we went back to driving. And as all drivers do, we got stuck in traffic. Really bad traffic. We sat like that for about two minutes when Sam spoke up.

"It's time like this when it occurs to me that we were lied to by _The Jetsons_" Sam said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"According to that show we should be zoomin' around in flying cars lately. You see any flying cars?"

"Well, most people weren't relying on a cartoon to help scientists create a flying car"

"Hey" Sam said. "What would you do for the flying car?"

"What do you mean?"

"Say some German scientist comes up to you one day and says 'I have invented the flying car. I'm gonna give it to you on one condition'"

"Well, what's the condition?"

"He's not gonna tell ya"

"Well then it's NO DEAL"

"The man is offering you the flying car!"

"Yeah Sam, but there's obviously a catch!"

"Who gives about the catch? It's the flying car! You gonna look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the car!"

"Not until I find out what the catch is"

"Fine" Sam said, pausing. "The catch is you gotta give him one of your feet"

I had a confused, somewhat disgusted, look on my face.

"No way!" I said.

"Are you saying that you wouldn't give up one of your own feet for the flying car, you're that selfish?" Sam asked.

"It's my foot! How am I gonna walk?"

"What 'walk'? You'll have the flying car! Good God, you could send the car designs to a major car company and become a multi-billionaire. After that, you could buy like 50 prosthetic feet!"

I thought this over for a brief moment.

"Well" I said. "Which foot, right or left?"

"Your choice" Sam said.

"Ok, I'll trade my…left foot for the flying car"

"Why your left foot?"

"It's got an ingrown toenail"

"Ugh" Sam said, disgusted. "Listen to you. Guy offers you the fire from Olympus that is the flying car, and you give him a bum foot?"

"You said I could pick!"

"So it's a deal then, your left foot for the flying car?"

"Yes"

"You're sure?"

"YES"

"You can't welch"

"I won't welch!"

"Because the whole world is counting on you" Sam said.

"Well, why the whole word all of a sudden?" I asked, confused.

"Because the German scientist held a press conference before he made you the deal" Sam said. "He said that once he made you the deal, you could do anything you want with the car, including mass-market an affordable model for commercial purchase. So, you in? You gonna do the right thing?"

"YES" I said.

"Ok" Sam said. "So, then what happens is that you find out he's gonna slice off your foot with a hacksaw"

"What?" I asked, wondering where this conversation was finally gonna end up.

"And no anesthetic"

"Aw, screw that!" I said.

"Oh come on, it only hurts when he cuts the foot off. After that, they use a local on the stub and cauterize the wound"

"Well, why can't I get the local _before_ he chops my foot off?"

"Because" Sam said. "He is a sick degenerate who loves to inflict pain"

"You said he was a man of science!" I yelled.

"What, you don't think Einstein liked cutting people's limbs off? But no one ever said anything about it because he was the greatest geniuses of all time! But come on, Dan; take a hit for the team. It's a few moments of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic"

"Alright, I'LL DO IT!" I said. "As long as I get the local before he chops off my foot"

"So now you WANT the local?" Sam asked.

"Yes, I want the local"

"Alright…" Sam said, as if she wasn't telling me something.

"Why'd you say it like that?" I asked.

"Well, it's just that…the local he gives ya numbs ya out. And after that he…diddles your peenie"

THAT did it.

"WHAT!" I yelled, making people stare at me.

"Come on, Dan" Sam said, laughing. "You made the deal"

"Yeah, to trade my left foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and molested by some crazed pedophile of a scientist"

"And his girlfriends" Sam added, laughing hard now.

"WHAT!"

"As soon as he's done with you, his girlfriends got a shot at you too"

By this time, I was both red out of embarrassment and anger.

"Deal's off" I yelled.

"What are ya, afraid of a woman's touch?"

"No, I just don't wanna be diddled and molested by a mad German scientist after he's just cut my foot off!"

"Need I remind you that this is the FLYING CAR?"

"It ain't worth it" I said.

"See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level. Neverthinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and nearly 20 years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering has made you too soft to throw your hat over the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is, not only do you ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world have no heroic figure to emulate. So the future of mankind continues on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction until all that was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial stew to which we'll most certainly return. Thanks to you and ill refusal to reach for the stars and you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life. The wimpy little scumbag who could of breached the chasm of becoming and being. But instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process…"

"ALRIGHT!" I yelled.

Sam stared at me with wide eyes.

I took a deep breath and calmed down a bit.

"I'll go through with the deal" I said. "I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off with a hacksaw. Then he and his girlfriends can have their way with me, ALL FOR THE FLYING FRIGGIN' CAR!"

We didn't say anything for a while until Sam spoke up.

"You'd do it with a guy and a bunch of girls just for a car?" Sam asked. "I thought I knew you…"

* * *

I then went crazy in the head. What just happened?

"Ok, you wanna see a flying car?" I said, slapping my hand on the outside of the car and making ghost energy come out. "I'll give you a flying car!"

I turned the car invisible, and it floated up into the air. I then pushed down on the pedals and the car went forward, FAST.

"Yahh!" Sam yelled.

"You like the car now?" I yelled insanely.

"YES! JUST PUT US DOWN!"

I put the car down behind a billboard. Sam punched me hard in the arm.

"Ow!" I said. "What was that for?"

"For acting like a jerk, Danny!" Sam yelled. "You could've hit a tree or gotten us killed!"

Sam began to cry a little. Oh man, I was just fooling around, I didn't mean to make Sam cry.

I scooted over to her and hugged her. She cried into my shoulder as I held her there.

"It's gonna be ok, Sammy" I said. "I'm sorry"

She looked up at me and smiled. I wiped an excess tear away gently with my thumb.

"Forgive me?" I asked.

"Look who you're askin" Sam said, hugging me. "Just stick to the road this time, ok?"

"Ok" I said.

"Oh, Danny? One more thing?"

"Yeah?"

She punched me lightly in the arm. And then she smiled.

"Don't EVER call me Sammy again"

"Fair enough" I said, engaging the car again. And we were off again.

"But I'm not doing…THAT for the flying car" I said. "Though I know you would"

"Watch it buddy" Sam said, kicking me again. "We've got a long way to go. I'm not draggin your corpse around the country for the next two months"

* * *

Well, how was that? Read and review please.  
PhantomAL 


	5. Bat Country, USA

Hey, thanks for the reviews guys! Here's the new chapter! Note: this chapter might be kinda confusing. But finally we geta glimpse at Insane Danny. Noonch  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 3  
Bat Country, USA

(Danny's POV)

As we were driving along and listening to music, we decided to sing. We were in a desert like area with no one else on the road. Who would've thought there would be a dessert somewhere in Illinois? So, we started singing along to "Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo. I never realized how beautiful a singing voice Sam had.

So, after singing for a while, we saw a shortcut.

"Where's it to?" Sam asked.

"I don't know" I said. "But, we'll never know until we try it"

I turned down the road and entered the shortcut. We followed through till we got to a tunnel. We went through the tunnel.

"Hold your breath and make a wish" I said.

Sam held her breath as I did too.

_I wish Sam and I would get together_. I wished deeply inside.

When we got out of the tunnel, we let go of our breaths and breathed. But something was weird. When we got out of the tunnel, we were in a different looking desert; more barren, more…deserty. I looked at Sam. She looked a little worried.

* * *

"Where are we?" she asked.

"I don't know, but I'm gonna find out" I said, pulling over and stopping the car. "Come on"

Sam and I got out of the car and started walking back to the tunnel. We walked through the tunnel. And as we walked through, my cell phone started to ring.

I was confused as I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Why, hello Daniel" I heard an all-too-familiar voice say.

"Vlad…" I said grimly.

"And how are you and you're girlfriend going on your little trip?"

"Spare the small talk, Vlad" I said. "What's going on?"

"Just a little experiment I've been trying out. Tunnels that transport. You like?"

"I'd LIKE if you'd tell me what you're scheme is"

"No scheme, Daniel. Hand to God truth. I just wanted you and Sam to get closer to each other. I've noticed that you've been screwing up lately in your powers, thanks to the GPS chips in your neck, I…"

"You put CHIPS in my NECK!" I yelled. "I swear if…"

"Just kidding. Just thought I'd make light of the situation. Besides, can't an uncle care about his nephew once in a while. So I decided once your parents contacted me about you and Sam, I'd help you two get together."

"You know…" I said, looking at Sam. I then whispered the next part.

"…I have ENOUGH people trying to get me and Sam together: my dad, my mom, my BEST FRIEND even. The last thing I need is my enemy trying to do the same."

"You're scared aren't you?" Vlad asked.

"Terrified" I whispered.

"All I can say is make a move. Because sooner or later she'll find someone else. Story of my life, Daniel. I'm trying to save you from making the same mistake I did."

I thought about this for a little bit.

"No tricks?" I asked.

"None" Vlad said seriously.

"No other people I should know about?"

"Nope. Just you and Sam."

"Ok" I said. "It kills me inside, but I believe you."

"Good luck, Daniel" Vlad said. "Oh, and don't spend all your money at Sin City"

And with that he hung up.

* * *

"Danny, who was that?" Sam asked.

"My uncle, Vlad" I said. "Just uh, telling us what to do here"

We walked towards the car and got in. I sat down and sighed unhappily. Sam placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"You ok?" she asked.

I smiled at her, placing my hand on hers that was on my shoulder, making her blush a little.

"Yeah" I said. "Feelin' fine"

Sam smiled at me, I smiled back. Seemed to be a lot of smiling going on. I turned the key and we were off again.

We passed a sign that said "Welcome to Colorado".

"Colorado sound good?" I asked.

"The _South Park_ state?" Sam asked. "Yeah, I've always wanted to see what it REALLY looked like"

So, we drove to real-life South Park, Colorado.

Nothin.

Absolutely NOTHING like the show.

We stood there in the empty town for about 10 minutes and we didn't say anything.

Finally, Sam spoke up.

"Well, this sucks"

* * *

So we got in our car and we went farther and farther down the road. Suddenly, even though we were already in the desert, it started to get hotter. I started to sweat a little. Sam, however, was not.

"How can you NOT be sweating?" I asked.

"It's barely hot out here" Sam said. "How are you hot?"

"I work out a lot. But that's not the point. The point is…you know what?"

I then took off my shirt and threw it in the back of the car. Sam looked shocked and started staring at me. I didn't notice until about 5 minutes later.

"We've been swimming" I said. "We've been to the beach. How are you shocked that I'm not wearing a shirt?"

"You _have_ been working out" Sam said.

I blushed hard, making me sweat more.

"For a while now" I stammered out. "But don't stare please. Takes away my…um…concentration on driving. Ok?"

"Ok" Sam said.

I kept noticing that Sam snuck looks at me for a little while. I sometimes looked back.

So, I kept driving. And it got hotter. And hotter. And then, the strangest thing happened.

I saw something black fly across the sky. I shook my head, trying to forget it. But then I saw two other black things flutter across the sky, this time, making a screeching sound. They looked black, inky, and blobby. But they also looked crooked and had…wings?

* * *

"Bats?" I whispered.

Apparently, there WERE actual BATS flying across the sky, in daylight.

I blinked a couple of times. I then opened my eyes, and then.

"SCREEEEEECH!"

Hundreds of bats then flew overhead covering the sky. Sam was just looking ahead.

"Do you see that?" I asked, scared.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"The bats" I said.

"What bats?"

"Th…never mind" I said.

But the bats kept flying across. I screamed mentally at the top of my metaphorical lungs.

"Let's give that guy a lift" Sam said.

I looked ahead. I saw a hitchhiker with long blonde hair sticking his thumb out.

"We can't stop here" I said. "This is bat country"

Sam looked at me weirdly.

"I mean" I said, shaking my head. "Yeah, let's pick him up. Good deed for the day"

I pulled over, and the long-haired hitchhiker ran up to the car.

"Hot damn!" he said. "I've never rode in a convertible before!"

"Is that right?" I asked, not knowing where my words were coming from. I smiled an insane smile. "Then I guess your ready. Get in"

The hitchhiker got in. Sam looked at me confused.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Sam whispered. "You're acting really weird"

"Weird?" I asked. "Let me tell you something. He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man"

"What?"

"Exactly"

* * *

Sam turned around, scared kind of. I was lost in my mind. Looking for the sanity state of mind. Needless to say, my insane side took over.

We were driving down the road, when all of a sudden.

"SCREEEEEECH!"

The bats were back. I had enough of this. I reached under the seat, looking for something to kill the creatures from above. My hand grabbed a handgun. My insanity rose through the roof as I shot the gun in the air. Sam and the hitchhiker screamed. The hitchhiker jumped out of the car and ran away. I laughed insanely as I continued firing shots into the air.

By this time, Sam was FREAKED OUT.

"Danny, STOP IT!" she yelled.

And apparently Sam's screaming is what snapped me back to reality. I shook my head, and the bats were gone. I felt cooler and my vision was back to normal. I then stared at the gun in my hand.

"AHHH!" I screamed.

"AHHH!" Sam screamed.

"AHHHHHH!" Sam and I screamed at the same time.

I threw the gun in the back seat and stopped the car, pulling over on the dirt and sand road. I took many deep breaths, so did Sam. After we were done catching our breath, I looked at her worried. I then scooted over to her and hugged her tight. She was taken aback a little, but returned the embrace.

"I'm sorry, Sam" I said after releasing her. "I'm sorry for…what happened back there"

"That's ok, Danny" she said. "Just don't scare me like that again. Now, tell me what happened."

So, I told Sam how the heat got to me and I started to see bats flying around. Sam was a little weirded out by this, but she understood it.

"If it was just the heat, then maybe we should stop somewhere for the night" she said. "Somewhere cool, with air conditioning"

Didn't take Sherlock Holmes to tell me that the next place I was gonna go to was a Holiday Inn in New Mexico. Hell, it didn't even take WATSON.

* * *

We walked into the Holiday Inn, and ordered a room, not too expensive, but just right.

Only one problem.

One bed.

"Well, maybe I could sleep on the couch" Sam said, once we were in the room.

"Bullshit" I said. "I'll sleep on the couch"

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable"

We stood there for a second, not saying anything.

"Well…" Sam said. "If you want…we could…share?"

_Share?_ I thought. _Me and her, in a bed, together. I think it's getting hotter in here; I'm starting to hear things. _

"If…you want to" I stammered. "But…do you…want to?"

"I don't want you on the couch. I mean look at it" Sam said.

I looked at it. My God, it looks like a hundred cats had a field day on it. It was tattered up and springs were poppin' up from the couch.

"Yeah…" I said. "Good point"

"So…" Sam said, pointing to the bed.

"Uh…sure" I said, nervously.

We slowly crawled into the bed and pulled the covers over ourselves. We turned off the light and we relaxed. Sam crawled over and wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and hugged me.

"Goodnight, Danny" she whispered.

I chuckled lightly.

"Goodnight, Sam" I whispered.

And Sam kept her arms around me as we slept. Only one thought entered my mind:

_If this is a heat induced dream, let it be hell.

* * *

_

Hey, hope you guys liked this chapter. Read and review please!  
PhantomAL


	6. GitRDone

WOW. Just, WOW. A lot of people loved the last chapter. Here's the NEW one!  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 4  
Git-R-Done

(Danny's POV)

After having a hearty and nutritious meal of double chocolate muffins and orange juice at the New Mexico Holiday Inn, Sam and I were on the road again. It was weird; we didn't say anything for basically the entire morning. There was still some awkwardness between us from last night with us sharing a bed.

I was the first to speak.

"Look, Sam" I said, gently. "I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable at all last night. But let's not stop speaking because of it. Please?"

Sam smiled at me. She scooted over to me close and kissed me on the cheek. This made me blush hard.

"Danny, you are so sweet" Sam said. "Last night, though a little weird, it didn't feel uncomfortable at all last night. You don't need to apologize at all"

I smiled. "Thanks, Sam" I said. "Takes a lot off my mind"

_But not enough off. _I thought.

"Shut up, brain" I whispered.

"What was that?" Sam asked.

"Nothing" I said. "So, I've got a surprise for you."

"Ooh boy" Sam said. "What is it?"

"Hence the word 'surprise'" I said.

"Come on" Sam whined.

"NOPE" I said.

"I have my ways of finding out" Sam teased, with a, dare I say, sexy tone to her voice.

"I think the heat's getting to YOU" I said. "And NO, I'm not gonna tell ya"

"Jerk"

"Proud of it"

* * *

We kept driving until we got to Texas. This is the point of the story where if you keep reading on, your I.Q. will plummet down. We went past the excessive sights of trailer parks, tractors, and mailboxes that had the word "MA(backwards "L")E" on it.

Needless to say, we were not very welcome.

"'Ey!" a redneck sitting on his porch, polishing his gun, said. "City folk 'r here!"

"'Aight" I said. "I'm gonna go eat lunch, yuntoo?"

"Aight"

Apparently, there was an entire new wordplay down here that Sam and I didn't know of.

An hour of driving down the road and I made Sam put on a blindfold.

"What are you gonna do to me?" Sam asked, laughing.

"Nothing. I just don't wanna spoil the surprise" I said, laughing as well.

"Any surprise that's down in the south HAS to be good" Sam said, putting on the blindfold.

"You have no idea…"

* * *

So, we were driving for about another 30 minutes, when I finally stopped.

"Ok, you can take off the blindfold now" I said.

Sam took off the blindfold, and her eyes lit up looking at the sign on the building in front of her.

_Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One Night Only!_

"How…" Sam started.

"Ordered the tickets in advance" I said. "I new we were passing by Texas. I just didn't know that we were gonna be here this early though"

"Why…"

"I always had a suspicion that you were a closet redneck joke fan"

"You did this for me?" Sam asked.

"Yeah" I said. "I found a way to order nearly sold out tickets for you and me."

Sam hugged me. I hugged her back.

"Thank you, Danny" she said. "Come on, let's go!"

"Alright!"

We walked into the auditorium building. The building was stuffed with people, and Sam and I had to hold hands to stay together. Man, I pay for tickets and I get more than a show.

We finally made it to our seats, which were basically front row.

"This is great, Danny" Sam said, relaxing. "Thanks"

"Anything for you, Sam" I said.

* * *

So, the show started. And we sat there for the next two hours, watching and laughing at the genius stand-up material of Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, Bill Engvall, and Larry "The Cable Guy". I started laughing harder when Sam yelled "I love you, Larry!"

"I told you to wait in the truck" Larry said.

Everyone laughed.

So, after the show, Sam had to go to the bathroom, as did I. So, I went into a stall and did God's work. And as I was in there, doing God's work, the guy in the stall next to me started talking to me.

"Hey, you got any toilet paper?" he asked in a very familiar sounding voice.

"Uh, yeah" I said, handing him a roll. "Here"

"Thanks man" the guy said. "Hey, you got a girlfriend?"

"Not really" I said. "I mean, I like her but…"

"Scared?"

"Very"

"Hey, just a thought, but was that the girl who said "I love you, Larry"?"

"Yeah" I said. "How'd you figure?"

"I saw you too together" the guy said. Man, this guy sounded familiar. "And, I saw you holdin' her hand"

This guy saw that?

"And she was holdin' your handsback" the guy finished.

"How did you see all of this?" I asked.

"A cable guy's gotta have a good eye"

* * *

I walked out of the stall, being finished with God's work and stared at the stall next to me.

"Hey, is everyone gone?" the guy asked.

"Uh…yeah" I said.

"Good"

The stall opened up and I saw the face, body, and the lack of sleeves, of Mr. Larry "The Cable Guy".

"You…you're…" I stammered.

"Yeah, Larry" Larry said.

"Why aren't you with the other guys?" I asked.

"Well, they have a lot of food back there at the stage there" Larry said. "And I had too much of them shrimp poppins and you can figure it out from there"

I laughed as he did too.

"Look, I understand your problems, buddy" he said. "And just tell her, man. From the look of it, she loves ya. Just tell her at the right moment"

"Thanks, Larry" I said, shaking his hand.

"No problem" he said. "Hey, I gotta get back. Good luck buddy."

"I'll need it"

"Oh, hey, one more thing" Larry said.

"What?" I asked.

"Git-R-Done" he said, smiling. I smiled back.

I walked out of the restroom, looking at a waiting Sam.

"Jeez" Sam said. "What were you doing in there?"

"Oh" I said. "Just talkin to a friend"

* * *

So, Sam and I found an Embassy Suites in Texas; a surprisingly NICE one. Good pay, nice restaurant, but the problem still remained.

Two people.

One bed.

"Oh boy" I said. "I'll take the couch"

The couch was actually in good shape this time. I slept on the couch, while Sam slept on the bed.

"Goodnight, Sam" I said.

"Night, Danny" she said. "Thanks for tonight"

"You're welcome"

And we drifted out into our sleep.

I had a nightmare that night, that a million bats were circling the night sky and were about to attack me when I woke up. I heard Sam whimpering and crying in her sleep. I stared at her as I tip-toed over to the bed. I crawled into the bed and pulled her closer to me. She, either out of instinct or maybe she wasn't really asleep, hugged me and cried into my shoulder.

"It's ok, Sam" I whispered, rubbing her back gently.

We just sat there, her crying into my shoulder, and me comforting her. After about a minute of this, I realized that she was awake.

"Now, what's wrong" I asked Sam.

"I miss my parents" she said. "I know that I really don't get along with them, but being out here, away from them, it makes me miss them"

"Well" I asked. "Do you want to go home tomorrow?"

"No, Danny" she said. "I don't want you to not have any fun."

"It's alright with me. Just to make you happy. So, home, or Arizona by tomorrow afternoon?"

Sam kissed me quickly and smiled.

"Arizona" she said.

"Arizona" I said.

I started to get out of the bed, when Sam grabbed my hand.

"Danny, can you sleep with me tonight?"

One in this position upon hearing those words would think the wrong thing to think. But, I knew what Sam meant.

I crawled back into the band and Sam hugged me as we went to sleep. All in all, today was a good day. Arizona, home of...Hey, just what is in Arizona?

* * *

Yeah, what IS in Arizona? Read and review please, and give me ideas for Arizona. I'm stumped.  
PhantomAL


	7. Ready, Set, CAST

Here ya go, another chance for em to cash in on Fanfiction oppertunities!  
PhantomAL

* * *

Hitchin' A Ride Productions  
Presents

**Roadside Attraction**

Starring  
David Kaufman- Danny Fenton/Phantom  
Grey DeLisle- Sam Manson  
Martin Mull- Vlad  
Tommy Chong- Hippie Storeowner  
Larry "The Cable Guy"- Himself  
And  
Johnny Depp  
As  
"Hunter S. Thompson"  
And the voice of  
"Crazy Danny"

Music by  
Danny Elfman

Based off Characters created by  
Butch Hartman  
And  
Hunter S. Thompson

Based off the book  
"Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas"  
By  
Hunter S. Thompson

"Bat Country"  
Performed by Avenged Sevenfold

"Comin' To Your City"  
Performed by Big & Rich

Nothing To Fear (But Fear Itself)  
Performed by Oingo Boingo

Insanity (Live)  
Performed By Oingo Boingo  
From "Farwell" concert

"Are You Ready"  
Performed by AC/DC

"Renegades"  
Performed by Electrasy

Written and Directed by  
PhantomAL

* * *

Hope you guys like the extra thought I put into this cast and crew list. And DP is gonna get cancelled? What the shit is that? Ugh, just read and review.  
PhantomAL


	8. God Bless The Car

WOW. I'm gone for just one day and I get more than 20 reviews. You guys really like this thing. Here's the new chapter.  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 5  
God Bless The Car

(Danny's POV)

"Today," I said, in the morning outside of the hotel, "we are going to find out why there is a gun in this car"

"Right" Sam said. "Let's go"

We spent the next 20 minutes, digging through the car, looking for stuff that might give us a clue as to why the salesman gave me this car at half-price. Here's what we found.

A handgun, an entire shit-load of beer cans under the back seats, cigarette butts, and to top it off, an entire glove compartment filled with cocaine, crack, blow, meth, speed, and ether.

How the cops never pulled us over, I'll never know.

I still had the receipt from the car place. It had the number on it. I dialed the number on it.

"Hello" the salesman's voice said. "Amity Park Car Rentals. This is Hunter S. Thompson. How may I be of assistance?"

"Yeah, uh, how about this?" I asked. "HOW ABOUT TELLING ME WHY THE HELL YOU SOLD ME A DRUGGED CAR!"

"Ah, yes" Hunter said calmly. "I was wondering when you would call"

"You KNEW this car was filled with this stuff?"

"Who do you think OWNED the car before you?" he asked me. "Yes, me. I just wanted to get the car out of my hands and onto the hands of someone else. So, good luck with it!"

"Why you slimy, miserable…"

Click…dial tone…..

* * *

I hung up the phone and stuffed it into my pocket.

"That bastard gave us a car filled with drugs!" I yelled.

"Jerk" Sam said. "Why'd he do that?"

"He used to OWN the car, wanted to get rid of it. And I was stupid enough to buy it"

I got in the car and sat down. How could I be such an idiot? I always knew that you should never trust a salesman! I banged my head against the dashboard. Again, and again, and again…

Sam placed a hand on my shoulder as she got into the car.

"It's not your fault, Danny" she said. "You didn't know. People make stupid mistakes."

I smiled.

"Thanks" I said. "But that's gonna get rid of the fact that we still have a car filled to the brim with drugs and beer."

We sat there thinking for a minute until Sam came up with an idea.

"Danny" Sam said. "What's Arizona famous for?"

"The Grand Canyon" I said. "But why does that…"

My eyes widened as I realized what Sam was saying.

"Sam, you're a genius" I said.

"This I know" Sam said.

"You know, guys like girls who are modest" I said, starting the car. I looked over to see Sam hiding her red face.

* * *

So we went to Arizona. We drove to the Grand Canyon as quickly as possible, when finally we made it.

"Wow" Sam and I said simultaneously.

The Grand Canyon, 5000 feet deep, 277 miles long, this was the biggest hole in the ground in the world.

"Echo!" I yelled. "Echo…echo…echo…" I heard repeated.

"Ok, we came here for one reason" Sam said, unhitching the trunk.

We gathered up the drugs and the beer cans and stuffed them all in the trunk. I looked at my watch.

6:15 A.M.

No one was around. Perfect.

"Are you sure this is legal?" I asked, worried.

"Danny, since when are you worried about doing anything illegal?" Sam asked. "You've been accused of breaking and entering my house almost every week"

I blushed.

"Yeah, Tucker told me" she said. She wasn't blushing much as me. "Don't worry; I know you haven't been doing anything to me…chicken"

I didn't say anything after that. I knew that I'd been beaten, and beaten hard, like with metal rods.

Sam and I started throwing things off the cliff and into the canyon. We kept looking out for anybody who was coming towards us. After about 5 minutes, we finally were done and we got in the car.

I still didn't say anything to Sam. I was busy driving and didn't want to say anything that would make me look like more of a jerk than I already was. I needed to plan some horrible torture for Tucker when we got home.

* * *

"Had enough brain torture?" Sam asked, smiling.

I nodded and smiled sheepishly.

Sam reached over and ruffled my hair.

"Just don't do it again, ok?" Sam asked.

"Ok, Sam" I said.

"Good" Sam said. "So, where to now, oh great navigator?"

I thought for a minute…

"How about…." I said. "…California?"

"California?" Sam asked. "Sure, why not? Always wanted to lodge a tomato at Jessica Simpson's house"

"You see _The Dukes of Hazzard _ONE TIME…" I complained. "I thought she was a great actor, better than Burt Reynolds"

"That's because Burt wasn't wearing cut-off short shorts" Sam said.

"Touché" I said. "I noticed that you were giving Sean William Scott some looks"

"Hardy har har" Sam said. "Well, what about when we went to see _Corpse Bride_?"

"Don't get me started there, Victor fangirl" I said.

Sam didn't say anything.

"Got ya" I said, smirking.

"You've won this time" Sam said. "But come the time when _Clerks 2_ comes out…"

"I don't have a crush on Rosario Dawson" I said. "Unlike you with Tom Welling from _The Fog_.

* * *

We sat there arguing about movie crushes for the next hour. We stopped when something happened. We kept arguing when Sam saw something that would alter the course of our trip from hereon in.

"DEER!" Sam yelled.

"AHHH!" I yelled.

The deer stared at us as I couldn't stop the car in time.

WHAM!

A minute later Sam and I were out of the car, staring at the dead animal in front of us that was not looking so majestic.

"You saw it too, right?" Sam asked, in tears.

"Yeah" I said, also in tears. "I couldn't stop the car in time. I'm sorry"

Sam cried into my chest as I held her tight. We stood there for about 5 minutes as we both cried softly.

* * *

About 45 minutes later, we were driving as the dead deer was lying down in the back seat. It was disgusting, but better than a trunk filled with drugs, right?

"You feel better?" I asked Sam.

"A little" Sam said. "Thanks for putting the deer in the back"

"Forget about it" I said. "We'll take it to a vet and we'll see what they can do"

"Ok" Sam said. "I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up when we get to California"

"Ok" I said.

We were driving for another hour when I heard Sam talk in her sleep.

"Danny…" she mumbled. "…Don't leave me…"

My eyes widened.

"Danny" she said louder. "DANNY!"

"Sam, wake up!" I said, shaking her.

"Huh?" she said, waking up. "Wha-what happened?"

"You were having a nightmare" I said. "You ok?"

"Yeah" Sam said. "I'm fine. Did, uh… Did I say anything in my sleep?"

"No, nothing" I lied through my teeth.

* * *

Then I saw something move in the backseat. I shrugged it off. But about a minute later I saw something move in the back again. I then realized what I put in the back over an hour ago.

"Sam" I said. "Did I kill the deer when I hit it?"

"I don't think so" I said. "Why?"

"Look behind you" I said calmly.

She looked behind her and her eyes widened in shock.

And then the deer miraculously came to life again.

"AHHH!" Sam yelled.

"I'TS ALIVE!" I yelled.

We screamed as we pulled over and ran out of the car.

It was almost a sad sight. The deer got up and started kicking and started tearing up the car. It was tearing up the seats and it wreaked the steering wheel. Sam and I stared with horror as we watched the gentle creature before us obliterate our car.

Then, the deer scampered off into the woods.

Sam and I stared at the wrecked excuse of a car we saw before us.

"Tell me that didn't happen" I said. "The car….is dead"

"I've seen some pretty fucked-up things in my life" Sam said. "But THAT was fucked up"

Luckily the car still could drive, and the cd player still worked. So we kept driving.

"I think I hate deer now" Sam said.

"It's a shame we dumped that gun into the canyon" I said, smiling evilly.

Sam shoved me.

"I would NEVER kill an animal." She said. "No matter how much it pissed me off"

* * *

So we kept driving and driving, until finally…

"There it is, Sam" I said. "California. Spawn of more bands and movies than any other state"

"Except New Jersey" she said.

"Yeah, Kevin Smith must be rollin' in the cash" I said.

And so, we went through the streets of California. And we had a great time. Until… my cell phone rang.

* * *

I hate to end it here. But that's all I can think of. Read and review!  
PhantomAL 


	9. The Legend Of Walter Shit

We're almost to 100 reviews! Keep goin!

* * *

Chapter 6  
The Legend of Walter Shit

(Danny's POV)

"Hello?" I asked, picking up my cell phone. "Yes…you're kidding…really? Wow…in California? He is? Ok, I'll see you there!"

"Who was that?" Sam asked.

"Tucker" I said. "He's here at California. He flew up here to see us. And he told me that Walter Shit was here"

Sam stared at me.

"Walter SHIT?" she asked.

"You mean to tell me you don't remember a kid with a name like Walter P. Shit?" I asked, surprised.

"Not really. Who is he?"

* * *

I took a deep breath.

"Sam" I said. "Only one person knows what I'm about to tell you, and that's Tucker. When we were in the 5th grade, the school was having this big race to see who was gonna represent the school for the track team. I was on the left on the end, Tucker right beside me, and Walter on the end. So then the gym teacher, Mr. Lovitz, he was on the megaphone saying, "Ready, on your mark, get set…" and I was just so keyed up I just TOOK OFF!"

"Wow" Sam said.

"By the time the gun was fired I was ten yards ahead of everybody. And I won by so much, a myth began to grow about my speed. I became the star track runner. Only Walter ever suspected something. He's hated me ever since. And now he's back"

"Well, what happened when you raced Walter again?"

I inhaled again.

"I never did" I said. "For the next 4 years I kept avoiding Walter. But I never did race again, not even to the bus stop to catch a bus. And so the legend grew. People wanted me to race, they begged me. My coach called my parents twice a week, proclaiming that it was a sin against the Holy Bible to waste my God-given talent. But I said to him what I said to everyone: "I choose not to run"

"So now Walter's back?" Sam asked.

"He's back" I said, popping open a soda. "As I knew he would be" I took a big swig of the soda. "Man…that's some tart soda"

* * *

So, Tucker told me on the phone that he was with Walter at The Roach Hotel; a surprisingly beautiful hotel, owned by Jerry O'Connell, yes the guy from "Joe's Apartment".

We walked into the hotel.

"My God" I said. "This place is amazing"

"How could Tucker find a way into this place?" Sam asked. "It must've cost a lot to get in"

"Actually just 75 dollars once I showed the manager how to do his taxes" I heard a voice behind us say.

Sam and I turned around to see the smiling face of Tucker.

"Tucker!" I said. "What're you doing here?"

"I heard from your parents that you two were on a road trip" Tuck said. "So I decided to see how you guys were doing"

"Yeah, thanks Tuck" I said. "Look, can I speak to you for a second? Just a moment, Sam"

I pulled Tucker into the restroom.

"Are you out of your NUT!" I yelled at Tuck. "I just wanted it to be just ma and Sam on this trip!"

"Relax buddy" Tucker said. "I've been here in California for the past MONTH."

"A month?" I asked. I realized that Sam and I HAD been gone for almost a month. "My God, has it been that long?"

"Yeah" Tuck said.

"How are my mom and dad?"

"They took it surprisingly well" Tucker said. "They said that they HAD been arguing a lot, and they did realize that it was driving you insane. So, they're ok with it."

"What about Sam's parents?" I asked.

"Yeah…um…they'd like to talk to you" Tucker said, handing me his cell phone.

"You had them on hold?" I asked.

"Yeah" Tuck said.

The minute I grabbed the phone, I realized that I should've taken this trip alone.

* * *

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR DAUGHTER!" I heard Sam's mom, Marilyn, yell at me.

"I haven't done anyth…" I started.

"Don't tell me you slept with her!" I heard Sam's dad, Charles, say.

I blushed hard.

"No, I didn't" I said.

"Did you use a condom?" I heard Sam's dad ask.

I couldn't handle it anymore.

"NO! I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER!" I yelled. The other side of the line was silent.

I took a deep breath and calmed down.

"Look" I said. "Sam and I are fine. We didn't do ANYTHING. We just need a break from back home. Sam told me that you two did the same thing when you were kids"

Once again, silent line.

"Please" I said. "You can trust me with Sam. I promise, nothing bad will happen to her"

I heard the inhaling and exhaling of Sam's mom.

"Ok" she said. "If you can swear to the good Lord that you will not harm Sam, or let any harm come to her, she can stay"

"Please, I'm Catholic. All we do is swearing. Didn't you see "Dogma"?"

"No" Sam's mom said sternly.

And then she hung up the phone.

"Good thing she didn't see it" I said, giving the phone back to Tucker.

* * *

"So…you can tell me" Tucker said. "Huh? Huh? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean?"

"We didn't sleep with each other" I said.

"Man, you're parents are both ghost crackpots and religious crackpots. Don't wanna sleep with someone till you get married…"

"It's not about religion" I said. "It's about the fact that I don't want my 'best friends' chopped off by Sam's parents"

"Ok" Tucker said. "I believe you. Oh, Walter's waitin' for ya"

My eyes widened.

"Oh, shit" I said.

"Yes?" I head a voice say from the bathroom.

And out walked Walter P. Shit.

He had long blonde hair that went down to his shoulders. He was wearing a white undershirt and blue jeans. He was wearing cowboy boots.

"Shit" I said.

"Fenton" Walter said in his Western accent. "I thought I told you to beat it"

"I did" I said. "Faster down the track field than you, at least"

"You cheated, you lyin' son of a bitch"

"Ok, let's agree to disagree" I said. "I'd be welcome to race you again to prove my point I did a long time ago"

"That you CHEAT?" he said, getting up in my face.

"No, that I was the winner."

Walter thought for a minute, which took a while because his mind was about as powerful as what his last name suggests.

"Let's have a little wager" Shit said. "If you win, I'll apologize for calling you a liar. But if I win, I get Sam for a weekend"

My eyes widened.

"What do you plan on doing with her?" I asked.

"Everything that you said you WOULDN'T" he said.

I was about to punch the schmuck right in the gut, when Tucker held me back.

"MUST KILL!" I yelled.

"Pansy" I said. "You couldn't beat up a dead guy"

_You'd be surprised. _I thought.

"Fine" I said, shaking Shit's hand. "Deal"

We walked out of the restroom. Walter ran right over to Sam.

"Well, well" he said. "The beautiful Ms. Manson" He tried to kiss her, but Sam pushed him on the ground.

"Shit-head" she said.

"That's who I am" Walter said.

"Look, do you wanna race or not?" I asked.

"Sure" Walter said. "Follow me"

* * *

We walked outside to the parking lot. I told Sam what happened. And then I filled her in on the plan that I thought up at the last minute.

"When I give you the keys, you start the car" I whispered to Sam.

"Gotcha" she said.

There were people lined all around the road that was blocked with velvet rope. Walter and I stood next to each other, warming up.

"When I win" Walter said. "I'm gonna give that Goth a weekend like she'll never forget"

"You sick little shack of shit" I said. "Sam will never like you"

"Same with you" Shit said.

I was about to retort when Sam walked up to me. I slipped her the keys to the car.

"Warm up the car" I whispered.

"Got it" Sam said, running to the car.

"On your marks!" Tucker said. "Get set…"

I nodded to Tucker. He nodded back.

BANG went the gun.

I started running…in the opposite direction towards the car.

"HEY!" Walter yelled. "Come back with my girl!"

"Fat chance, shit boy!" Sam yelled.

"See ya, Tucker" I yelled at Tucker.

"See ya, guys!" he said.

* * *

We drove out of California as quick as possible.

"WHOO-HOO!" I yelled.

"Yeah!" Sam yelled.

"I knew that plan would work" I said.

"You know, for once, me too" Sam said.

"Name ONE time that my plans didn't work out"

"The garage sale, hooking up with Valerie, thinking Paulina was actually you're girlfriend…"

"ALRIGHT" I said. "So, where to next?"

Sam looked at the map and replied with one thing.

"Las Vegas"

* * *

Ok, read and review!  
PhantomAL 


	10. Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

YAHOO! I made it to past 100 reviews. Screw "Calling All Angels", thank you guys for making this my most successful piece of fanfiction! But sadly, this is the 3rd to last chapter. So, I'll try and make them as good and long as possible. One more note, I dedicate this chapter to all the people who dies in the September 11 attacks. God Bless Them. Also, one more note, Crazy Danny makes his second, and last, appearance in this chapter. ENJOY!  
P.S. This is the most CONFUSING chapter in the story. So read it slowly.  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 7  
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

(Danny's POV)

We were driving across a desert landscape. There appeared to be a lot of deserts. And it was once again, very hot.

"There's enough sweat on me to fill up a watercooler" I said.

"Flattering comment" Sam said.

"How come you're not sweating?" I asked. "You've got paler skin than I have. Is that your natural skin color?"

Sam shoved me again.

"Yes it is" she said, smirking. "Plus, I've been through deserts like this many times"

"Like when?" I asked.

"Like when our family took a trip to Iraq in 2000" she said. "If only we knew what was gonna happen…"

"Yeah" I said, making the "Holy Trinity" on my chest. "Poor people"

"Religious freak" Sam said.

"Again with the religion jokes" I said. "You know, I've got a bunch of Jew-jokes up my sleeve"

Sam slapped me on the back of the head.

"That was mean, Danny" she said.

"I'm sorry, Sam" I said. Really, I was sorry. She could take the quips and comments at school, but Jew cracks really pissed her off. "Forgive me?"

"I'm not sure" Sam said, in mock disappointment.

"Please?" I said, pouting.

"Nope, not gonna work" Sam said.

I stopped the car.

"You're gonna regret that" I said, evilly.

"Danny, I don't like that look you're giving me" Sam said.

And then I attacked.

* * *

I started tickling her, and she squirmed like crazy.

"S-stop it Danny" Sam laughed out. "Quit it!"

"Not until you forgive me" I said, still tickling.

This went on for about another minute until…

Our heads got closer and closer to each other until our lips met with each other.

My eyes widened for a while as well as hers. But after a second or two, our eyes closed and we relaxed against each other.

This lasted for about a minute or two until we pulled back, with shocked and embarrassed looks on our faces.

"I…uh…" I started.

"Yeah….um" Sam said.

"No words needed?" I asked.

"Yeah" Sam said. "Um…so where are we?"

"En route to Las Vegas" I said. "Home of hookers, drug dealers, lying, and deceit. Basically people living out the American dream, one slot at a time"

* * *

From then on then it became hotter and hotter. I guess what they say is right; the road to heaven really IS paved with hell.

As the heat got worse, so did my sight. My vision got blurred and warped until I could barley see my hand right in front of my face. But I recognized the road, so I kept going.

Well, this went on for about an hour when I saw something fly across the sky.

"Oh no" I whispered.

I looked over at Sam, sleeping peacefully with a gentle smile on her face. I smiled a little. She didn't even make anything out of the kiss that happened earlier. She didn't say anything or beat me up after. I wonder…

"SCREEECH!"

I looked up. And there they were.

Bats.

"Not again" I said quietly.

I felt my head twitch uncontrollably a number of times. I felt my voice babble and change and deepen.

"C-can't breathe" I said a little louder. Sam still didn't wake up. And it was true it was getting harder to breathe and my sight didn't get any better. Until, then everything went black.

I was gone.

Who was I now?

* * *

(Crazy Danny's POV)

We were somewhere near Barstow when the heat became to take hold of me. I remember saying to Sam as she woke up: "I feel a little lightheaded, maybe you should drive"

Luckily, the girl had her driver's license, and was a pretty good driver. Aw hell, she was a better one than me. So, I pulled over and we switched seats. A minute later, we were en route again to Las Vegas.

Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and apparently, I was the only one who could hear it, seeing that Sam didn't stir as she drove and sang along with Danny Elfman crooning to "Nothing To Fear"

I looked up.

And the sky was filled with these black, flying, creatures. Huge bats were flying all around us, swooping and screeching all around the car.

And I heard a voice, could've been my own, scream: "Holy Jesus! What are these Goddamn animals?"

"What are you talking about?' Sam asked.

"The bats" I said, pointing.

"Oh, God" Sam complained. "Not again. Here, drink a soda and cool down, Danny. We'll be in Vegas before you know it."

No point mentioning those bats, the poor girl would see them soon enough.

* * *

Sam handed me a Mountain Dew and I started to drink.

We had two giant 12 packs of various sodas, 8 bags of chips, Cheetos, Oreos, and pretzels. We used to have two bags of grass, five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered acid, a salt shaker half filled with cocaine, a whole slew of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, and laughers.

Not that we needed the latter stuff for the trip. Sam and I discovered that stuff under the seats and in the glove compartment about 2 weeks ago. We dumped it discreetly in the Grand Canyon.

But the one thing that worried me the most was the Jolt cola. I bought it near a college campus. Poor frat boys needed this shit to stay up late for their exams. Back in the 80's however, this was actually a very popular soft drink. But bear this in mind my friends; there is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a teenager in the depths of a Jot cola binge. And I knew that we'd be getting into that rotten stuff very soon.

I saw the sign, that one sign that every traveler looks for when he's in the state I'm in.

"Welcome To Las Vegas"

By this time, the bats were gone, and it was nightfall. The past two hours were a complete blur. I looked over at Sam who was still driving. My vision became clearer, I cooled down, and I was back to reality.

* * *

(Normal Danny's POV)

"Sam" I said.

"Oh, good. You're awake" Sam said.

"Was I sleeping?" I asked.

"On my lap, yes"

I blushed. No wonder I couldn't remember anything, I was asleep on the lap of an angel.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Sin City" Sam said.

I looked up and saw bright lights, the Stardust hotel sign, the giant moving cowboy statue thingy.

We were indeed in Las Vegas.

"Wow" I said. "This place looks awesome"

"Yeah" Sam said. "Let's park somewhere and check it out"

"Let me drive!" I whined.

"Baby" Sam said. "Ok, you can drive"

We switched sides as I got into the drivers seat and went off again. But as I drove, something was nagging in the back of my mind.

* * *

(Crazy Danny's POV)

Here we were; the city of sin, Las Vegas. The ultimate party town.

Sooner or later, I think about 10 minutes after my normal side started driving again, I took over again. Sam didn't seem to notice. And she's the smart one?

"What names are we gonna live under?" Sam asked.

"Huh?" I asked.

"We don't want anyone to come after us if we get into trouble" Sam said. "So, pick a name."

I thought about this for a few seconds.

"Raoul Duke" I said. "I've always liked that name"

"Ok, Mr. Duke" Sam said, laughing. "And I'll be…Paulina Sanchez"

I laughed.

"I had a feeling you were gonna go there" I said. "Ok, Paulina"

We both laughed. I laughed half because the situation was funny, and the other half being that I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

I blacked out again, my vision becoming worse by the minute. This time it was the cold getting to me. The thing that gets on my nerves about deserts was that it was blistering hot and humid during the day. But In the evening, it was freezing. And cold gets to someone's mind worse than heat could ever hope to try.

I saw Sam take a blanket out of the back of the car and wrap it around herself. She was still shivering. I felt bad for her. Even though I couldn't feel anything, being that my sense of reality went out the window a long time ago. I motioned over to myself, telling her to come close to warm up.

She scooted over to me, blanket still wrapped tight around herself, and I wrapped my free arm under the blanket and around her waist. She looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back.

She fell asleep again on my shoulder. Girl couldn't stay awake one second to save her life. I then found the perfect place to park.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the doorman said in front of the door of the casino we were at. "You can't park here"

"Why?" I asked. "Isn't this a reasonable place to park?"

"Reasonable place? You're on a Goddamn sidewalk!"

I looked down at the velvet ropes I had ran over.

"So I am" I said. "I'll drive around"

I drove around to the parking lot as my vision got back to normal.

* * *

(Normal Danny's POV)

"What the hell's happening to me?" I asked Sam once she woke up. We were inside of the casino restaurant.

"I don't know" Sam said. "My guess is that all of this travel and heat and cold is driving you crazy."

"But it's only been happening today when things happened" I said. I started to babble. "The bats, the cold, me parking on the sidewalk"

Sam started to get worried. She grabbed my hand and started rubbing it.

"Oh man" Sam said. "You really are feeling weird, huh?"

"Yeah" I said. "I'm kind of scared"

Sam looked around. She then smiled at me.

"Danny, I think we need to go to bed" She said to me. "You need to rest, just what you need to straighten things out"

I sighed.

"You know what, Sam?" I asked. "You're right. Come on, let's go"

I took her hand gently and held it firmly in my own. She smiled as I smiled back.

We paid the tab and walked outside to the car, hand in hand.

I offered to drive, but Sam turned it down. She got into the drivers seat and we were off, searching for a hotel. Lucky for us, this was Vegas, and Vegas had all the best hotels at extremely low prices. (A/N: SHAMELESS PLUG!)

Sam and I got changed into our pajamas. I playfully tried to sneak a peek into the bathroom whilst Sam was changing. The next thing I knew, I got a nose full of door.

"Pervert" Sam said, after slamming said door in my face.

A few minutes later, we found ourselves in the bed, her head resting on my chest. I smiled as I dozed off. But this didn't last long.

Say hello, insanity.

* * *

(Crazy Danny's POV)

Finally, I was free. During my normal side's sleep, I plotted my real escape to take over my counterpart's body. And now it worked. Joining the amount of heat in the bedroom already, with Sam's heat mixing with my own, Danny went so insane during his 45 minute snooze that the heat took over his body.

Now the fun would begin.

I snuggled out of Sam's embrace and replaced myself with a pillow, slipping it under Sam's arms. She girl didn't even stir for a second. I walked over to my suitcase, looking for a wardrobe. I picked out a long black jacket, some black boots, and my aviator sunglasses I got from Wal-Mart. I put on this white hat I found under the bed and made my way downstairs to the car.

With my wallet in my ass pocket in my jeans, I felt lucky as I walked through the brightly lit casino. What to try first? I closed my eyes and pointed to the first thing in front of me.

Crap.

Actually, craps.

I made my way to the craps table and placed a bet.

"42, red" I said, going with my lucky number.

I placed the bet, and the guy at the counter spun the wheel that spun like a flower of joy.

"42, red!" the crap guy said.

"Snoogans" I muttered happily.

And this went on for about 3 hours. I sat there, playing the slots, and yes, drinking. It felt great. I didn't know about my physical side though.

"BARRRRRFFFF!" I heard my human side say once yakking into the toilet.

Now that I was drunk, I didn't know what to do or what NOT to do. I just ran around making a pass at every girl that looked to be my age and playing slots.

And I kept doing this until I heard a voice yell at me.

* * *

"DANNY FENTON!" I heard a woman behind me yell. I turned around and met cheek first into Sam's hand.

"What the hell do you think you're doing out here?" she asked me.

Of course, being drunk, I spoke words that I didn't think straight forward the first time.

"Hey, baby" I slurred. "Why you gotta be like that?"

Sam grabbed me by the hand and dragged me out of the casino as I waved goodbye to my new "friends".

"See ya, Harold" I said to Frank. "Adios, Jimmy" I said to Paul.

Sam dragged me all the way to the car. She slammed on the gas and we were off like a rocket. She dragged me all the way up into the room, slamming the door.

"Do you know how worried you made me?" she yelled at me. "I kept calling your cell phone, and calling and calling and calling, but I got no answer. I looked around the whole hotel for you! And you know where I found you? In the casino, drunk off your ass, gambling, you jerk!"

"You know you're cute when you're angry" I slurred.

"You know what, Danny?" Sam asked. "You can just take me home tomorrow, because if you don't even care about me to just call and tell me where you're going, then I guess I wont talk to you anymore!"

That straightened me right the fuck out.

* * *

(Normal, sober, Danny's POV)

"Sam…" I said. "I…"

"Don't even, Danny" she said. "There's the couch. Good night!"

She crawled into bed and clicked off the light, leaving me sitting on the couch, alone.

"What just happened?" I asked.

* * *

Wow, this had to be the longest chapter for a story I've ever made. You guy's better like this! Read and review please!  
PhantomAL 


	11. The Battle Of Sanity

Ok, we're almost done with this! Enjoy!  
PhantomAL

* * *

Chapter 8  
The Battle of Sanity

(Danny's POV)

Well, I couldn't sleep knowing that Sam hated me. So, I walked outside of the hotel and just stood there for a while. I looked up into the sky.

"Give me a sign" I asked the Man Upstairs. "Anything"

I looked next to me, and there was a swing set. I walked over to it and kicked the swing set harshly. I ignored the sharp pain in my foot as I sat on one of the rusty swings, swinging back and forth slowly.

I couldn't believe it. The trip was a disaster, Sam's parents are angry at me, the car was totaled, I went insane and got drunk, and above all else, the one girl I love more than anything in the whole world hates me. But you know that old saying; things are always the darkest before dawn?

Just then the rusty swing gave out under me as I fell on my back with a thump.

"Could've done without that" I said, grunting.

I thought I had broken my ass bone, so I just laid there for a second. I stared up into the sky, and for the first time in my entire life, I thought about not getting back up. I thought I'd just lay there for the rest of my life. And I probably would've done that if it weren't for what happened next.

* * *

"Hey" I heard a soft, gentle, familiar voice say to me.

I looked up and saw the face of Sam, in her pajamas, her hair let down to her back.

"Hey" I said.

"You gonna lie there all night?" she asked, smiling a little.

"Maybe" I said, smiling.

"Come on" she said, helping me up. "Let's talk"

We sat down on two GOOD swings and just rocked slowly back and forth.

"Look Sam" I said. "I'm sorry for what happened. I…couldn't control it. It's like there's something inside me that's making me act this way. I hate it. I'm scared, Sam. I'm scared that something might happen, that I might do something really crazy, and I don't want to lose you because of it"

Sam stared at me for a second.

"You…you're not pulling my leg?" Sam asked. "This is a real uncontrollable thing going on? You swear?"

"I swear to God" I said. "Please believe me"

What happened next could only be described as a miracle in my book.

* * *

Sam leaned her swing towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me. I held her tightly. She started to cry into my chest. I rubbed her back softly, trying to calm her down.

"I'm sorry, Danny" she said, crying softly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I should've known to believe you. I'm so sorry"

"It's ok, Sam" I whispered. "I'm gonna be ok"

She looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back, lifting up her chin softly and staring into her eyes.

We both leaned closer to each other. Until our lips touched. We sat there, kissing softly for about 4 minutes. I could get used to this.

When we pulled apart, she smiled at me as I smiled back.

"No words needed?' Sam asked.

"No" I said. "There needs to be words. Sam…"

"Danny, please don't say it" she said. "I don't want anything to happen"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Every romance story when someone says "I love you", something bad always happens."

"Sam, I'm gonna have to say it sooner or later, and I've been waiting to say it for 7 years now. I love you, Sam"

"I love you too, Danny"

We sat there. I was trying to disprove Sam's theory.

"See?" I said. "It's been 5 minutes and nothing bad…"

Spoke too soon.

* * *

"NOOOO!" I heard a voice in my head shriek.

I fell on the ground, wiggling in pain.

"Danny!" Sam yelled.

Something came out of my ear, something pale fleshed colored. It was…

…a hand?

The hand reached out and pulled itself, along with a body, out of my ear.

"Goddamn!" the figure said. "It's great to be out of there!"

I looked at it.

It was me.

* * *

Well, to a lesser extent, me. He was wearing a long black cloak. His hair was longer than mine and was white with streaks of black. He was wearing black boots and aviator sunglasses. He was also smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder.

"Well, my SANE self" he chuckled. "Looks stupider than I thought"

"Who…what are you?" I asked.

"I'm you…kinda" he smirked at me. "You see, everyone's mind is made up of two parts: sanity and INSANITY. I just happen to be the physical manifestation of your insane part of your mind."

"I knew it!" I yelled. "I KNEW there was something wrong with me"

"More than you know" Insane Danny said. "My God, took you guys forever to get together. Too bad, you'll be dead anyhow before you two could ever get into a bed together"

"We've been in a bed" I said.

"That's what I'm talking about: clueless teenagers" Insane Me said.

He then flew up to me and grabbed me by the shirt collar and lifted me up into the air. I went ghost and the fight began.

* * *

I kicked left, he went right.

I ended up with a pained crotch.

I punched right, he went left.

Bruised jawbone.

I kept throwing punches at this guy, but he wouldn't go down. He knew every one of my attacks and more. But I kept on fighting, for Sam.

"I'm going to kill you" I said. "I'm gonna kill you and I'll never be inane again, and Sam will be safe"

"You IDIOT!" Insane Danny yelled at me. "Sam is the reason why I'm here. I couldn't let you two get together because with her you'd be unstoppable! Remember the fakeout-makeout? That was the thing that created me! You MADE ME! It pained me to stay inside and watch you two flirt with each other. That wasn't hard to get over, and don't think I didn't try!"

"I know you did" I said. "It drove me crazy too. But I love Sam, and I'll keep kicking your ass until you go down, just for her"

"Overprotective asshole" Insane Danny said, about to kick me.

And he did.

His foot met hard with my chest as I hurtled down to the hard ground.

"Danny!" Sam yelled, running towards me.

I went unconscious for a minute. I could hear voices.

"Forget it, girl" Insane Danny said to Sam. "He's gone now"

"Please, Danny" Sam pleaded. "Please wake up. I love you so much, Danny. Please wake up. You can do it, Danny. I believe in you"

My eyes opened up and glowed as I smiled.

Sam was overrun with joy. She wrapped her arms around me as I stood up. I hugged her tight.

"I have an idea" I whispered to her. "Give me the keys"

While hugging me, she handed me the keys to the car.

"Good luck, Danny" she whispered to me.

We pulled away as Insane Danny looked at me.

"Well, whoop-de-freakin-doo!" he said. "He's alive! Just in time for me to kill…what are you doing?"

I walked over to the trunk of the car and unlocked it, rummaging through the bags of food, looking for a small brown bag.

"What's in there?" Insane Danny asked me, as I found the bag.

I opened it up, revealing a big can of Jolt Cola.

* * *

"Oh, shit" Insane Danny said.

"Jolt Cola?" Sam asked.

"Trust me, Sam" I said to her.

I heard the theme music of _The Good the Bad and the Ugly_ play in my head. I clutched the giant can of soda in my hand. Insane Danny stared at me in horror.

"You wouldn't…" he said grimly.

"Watch me" I said, opening up the can. And then I chugged it down as Insane Danny looked on with horror. Sam even looked at me scared.

"Brave man" Sam said.

After 3 minutes of chugging, I was finally done. And then, it happened.

My eyes widened, I smiled a crazy toothy grin, and my hands glowed greener and brighter than ever before.

"Fuck" Insane Danny said.

"YAH-HAH!" I screamed, firing rapid fire ecto-blasts at my insane counterpart.

"AHHH!" Insane Danny yelled as every blast hit him. As the blasts continued to hit him, he grew smaller and smaller and smaller, until finally, he was about 5 inches tall.

I walked over to him and smiled.

"Uh…sorry?" he asked.

I then lifted my foot and slammed it down.

SQUISH!

I looked at the bottom of my foot, seeing a large green blot on the bottom of my foot.

"Gonna have to have this thing cleaned" I said.

I then fell on the ground, going unconscious.

* * *

"Danny?" I heard a soft voice ask of me. "Danny?"

I opened my eyes and saw the smiling face of Sam. I was on the bed in our hotel room.

"Ugh…what happened?" I asked, trying to get up. Sam gently pushed me down.

"Don't get up" she said. "You're pretty banged up"

Indeed I was. I had a cast around my right leg and a bandage on my left cheek.

"He sprained your leg and fractured your jawbone" she said. "Other than that, you're fine"

I smiled at her.

"Thank you, Sam" I said.

"For what?" she asked.

"For…everything. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you. I woke up for you, to save you, to make sure that you wouldn't be hurt. Just for being there to cheer me on and make me feel like somebody."

Sam didn't say anything. She just smiled and leaned forward, kissing me. I kissed back softly.

"I love you, Sam" I said. "With all my heart"

"I love you too, Danny" she said. "Always"

We smiled at each other. And she got into the bed next to me, hugging me gently as not to hurt me even more.

"So…how'd you defeat the Insane You?" Sam asked me.

"Well, Insane Danny was created in my mind because of all the awkwardness and the inability I had to let loose my feelings about you" I said. "He was literally insane. Knowing that, I figured out that there is more than one kind of insanity. Drinking the Jolt Cola in one gulp, creating a huge sugar rush, made me ARTIFICIALLY insane; insanity by sustinance. Having that much energy helped me defeat him"

"Wow" she said. "You really thought all that out?"

"Actually, it was just a guess" I said, smiling. "But it all worked out alright in the end, right?"

"I knew you couldn't be that smart" Sam said.

"You're right" I said. "Behind every great man, there's an even greater woman"

Sam blushed and held me a little tighter, but not enough to hurt me. With my free arm, I held her closer as she turned off the lights.

"Goodnight, Danny" she said. "I love you"

I kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Sam" I whispered. "Goodnight"

And with that, we were asleep.

Let's see: stopped a villain, got the girl, had a big road trip. I'm guessing I could die right now and be happy. But I wasn't going anywhere.

And it was thanks to Sam.

* * *

Wow, that was a good chapter, huh? Read and review!  
PhantomAL 


	12. Home Again

It had to come to an end sometime. So, here's the final chapter of "Roadside Attraction"! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 9  
Home Again

(Danny's POV)

Well, after the whole ordeal with my insane self, and me and Sam getting together, it was basically time to go home really. But we still stopped on some more places and attractions.

Like the Hoover Dam.

"Now here's the dam" the fat tour guide said. "And…hey! No taking any damn pictures of the dam, damnit! Now, there's no damn fishing in this dam, ok? HEY! I see you with that damn fishing pole. No damn fishing in the dam!"

"Well, this is a waste of time" I said.

So, we got out of there quick. That damn dam tour guide was damn annoying.

* * *

We then went to Area 51, to see if there were any aliens.

Nothing.

Well, I guess I learned something during this trip. America doesn't have much interesting things to do. And I started to miss my parents. Sam did too. Poor girl was crying again. I felt horrible. I just kept hugging her and comforting her.I wished I could've done something to cheer her up. So I did.

* * *

About at the 2nd hotel that we were at, I thought up an idea.

The next morning, I made Sam wear a blindfold. We were driving for about 6 hours with the blindfold still on.

"This thing is cutting off the circulation of my brain" she said. "Where are you taking me?"

"We're almost there" I said.

By the time we got to where we were going, it was almost nightfall. I parked the car in a parking lot. The minute I pulled the blindfold off Sam's face, her eyes lit up and she smiled.

"Six Flags?" she asked.

"Yeah" I said. "Last minute idea. You like?"

She kissed me hard as I kissed back.

"I love" she said, smiling. "Let's go"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the park. The park looked amazing in the night, lights lit up and everything.

We spent the remaining hours of the park hours riding rides and hanging out. Luckily for us though, the Ferris wheel stopped working when we were at the top. Sam leaned against me as I wrapped an arm around her waist, laying my head on hers.

* * *

So, then after the park closed, we went to a hotel. We, again, slept in the same bed. And we started making out. I mean really getting into it. But Sam felt a little uncomfortable.

"I…think we should stop" she said. "It's getting too…"

"Yeah, I know" I said. "I'm sorry, Sam"

"No! No, Danny. It's ok, really. It's just that, you and me, in a bed, making out…Our parents might find out and…"

"I understand, Sam" I said, smiling. "I love you too much to make a mistake with you"

She kissed me gently.

"I love you too, Danny" she said, smiling. "You're so sweet to me. How come you weren't like this with Valerie?"

"I don't know" I said. "Maybe that she was my first girlfriend, and I didn't really know how to act. But, I love you and only you now"

Sam snuggled into my chest.

"Goodnight, Danny" she said. "Love you"

"Love ya too, Sam" I said, hugging her. "Night"

* * *

The next morning, we decided that it was time to go home. So, for the next 12 hours, we were traveling across the country, going home finally.

And after 12 hours, we finally made it back to Amity Park, New Jersey.

"Hello?" I asked, opening my home's door. "Anyone home?"

"Danny!" I heard my sister yell happily. She literally jumped downstairs, choking me in a huge bear hug. "Mom, Dad! Danny's home!"

Attack of the bear-hugs. Ow.

"Welcome home, Danny" my mom said.

"Good to be back" I said.

Jazz and my parents suddenly worked their way from me to Sam, choking her to death in hugs.

"CAN'T BREATHE!" she choked out.

So, after Sam caught her breath, we decided to tell my parents about me and her.

"Guys, we have something to tell you" I said.

"Go ahead" my dad said.

I wrapped one arm around Sam's waist and Sam did the same. My parents got the hint imeadiently. My parents said that they've been waiting for this to happen to us for about 8 years now. Surprising how my parents knew that I loved Sam before I even did.

So, in a nutshell, Sam and I had a happy relationship for a long time. We ran into some arguments, but we always managed to get through.

* * *

A few months later…

Sam was asleep in her bed. I phased up to her bedroom and sat in midair above her, watching her.

"What did I tell you about breaking and entering?" Sam said, apparently awake.

"That I could do it anytime I wanted?" I said, lowering down to her eye level.

She giggled and pulled me down and kissed me softly. We stayed like that for a while until we finally parted for air. That's when I motioned over to the window.

"Look down" I said.

She did and she couldn't believe her eyes.

"It's the car!" she said.

And indeed it was! I had it fixed up again, new wheels, and new paint job. It was now all red with back streaks. 'Twas awesome.

I took Sam by the waist as we lowered down outside of her room and outside to the car. She released me and started to look all around the car. She looked at the silver decal on the side doors.

"The Red Shark" she said. "Cool"

I opened the car door and got in. I patted the seat next to me, signaling Sam to get in. She did, and she snuggled next to me.

"So, where are we going?" she asked me.

I shrugged and said, "Nowhere special"

"Nowhere special…" she said. "I've always wanted to go there"

The End

* * *

And that's the way it is! Hope you guys liked this thing! Keep watchin the sites for more of my work! I'm OUT!  
PhantomAL 


	13. NOTE!

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for making "Roadside Attraction" my most successful piece of fanfiction.

BlueMyst19: You've been a great person to me in the past 2 months. You've been there when I needed someone to cry with. And for that, I'll love you.

Cakreut12: Thanks again for you're reviews and you're sense of humor!

And

Unlikely-To-Bear-It: Thanks a pants load for you're great reviews and ideas!

And a thank you to everyone who ever reviewed on here.

And now….

THE SEQUEL.

* * *

"New Jersey Uber Allies"

Taking place exactly right after "Roadside", Danny and Sam actually go out of the country and into an across the world trip. At the same time, Sam's parents send out a search party for Sam and charge Danny with kidnapping. And Sam's parents are also planning an arranged marriage with famous young writer, Hunter S. Thompson Jr., son of Hunter S. Thompson, the writer of "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas". But something seems odd about this new guy…

Hope this story sounds good; it'll be up in a few weeks. So, see ya soon!

PhantomAL


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